My St. Louis Frozen Embryo Story

My St. Louis Frozen Embryo Story

I am the mother of 5 beautiful little lives.  Three of them are born and two unborn.  If the “unborn” part sounds crazy, then you’ve never gone through in vitro fertilization (or IVF).  The issue of frozen embryos is finally seeing the light of day with the recent Illinois Appellate Court decision and the famous celebrity battle between Nick Loeb and Sofia Vergara in California.  I have something in common with everyone who has done IVF: when the doctor tells you of your embryos, it’s an amazingly happy feeling.  In fact, no one is rolling their eyes, trying to get out of child support or yawning. 

My case is currently at the Missouri Court of Appeals and is the first case of its kind in Missouri on frozen embryos.  At one point I was a successful attorney and a budding entrepreneur but now I am in the fight of my life and struggling to stay ahead of my financial and emotional commitments. How I got to this point is not important, only why.

I met my ex-husband in 2004 at an 80-mile relay race across Illinois. Both of us were participants. He was a bit younger than me but we appeared to hit it off.  After a short engagement, we got married about a year and a half later. But we were still not living together since he was in the Army and made his way to Iraq within weeks after our marriage.  I understood as I was a veteran myself. We had agreed that since I was getting older he would freeze some of his sperm before he left, just in case. When he got back, still geographically separated, we consulted with a doctor and was told our best option to conceive was IVF.

In 2007, we underwent the grueling and expensive process to conceive. After about $10,000 later and a lot of needle poking, we created four wonderful little human lives. Two we implanted right away (my 7 year old twin boys) and two we froze for later use (I call them Noah and Genesis). Pay attention. I repeat, we created these lives for implantation in order to bring them to term, not for any other reason. We didn’t accidentally create them while we were in the heat of passion and I don’t have a fetish for needles.  In 2007, we signed an agreement that stated in case of divorce, I would be allowed to bring Noah and Genesis to term. In 2010, we signed a new agreement, again deciding to give them to me in case of divorce. My ex signed the agreement.  That is not in dispute.

Well things changed after our twins got here and my ex moved in. I found myself the victim of domestic violence.  The details are not important, but only know it was a long and arduous divorce.  I was very lucky because I was working and supporting my whole family, including my ex. I was able to leave and support my two boys.  After many stops and starts, the trial on Noah and Genesis’ fate finally saw the light of day in September of 2014.  Then came the worst decision I’ve ever seen.  I’ll never forget the pit in my stomach when I read the haphazard decision.  It was all over the place and nowhere in the vicinity of being right.

The trial court claimed that my Noah and Genesis were property and then invalidated the agreement.  Then, they did nothing but keep the storage of my frozen babies in both of our names.  In other words, the court made NO decision.  I guess I don’t need to tell anyone that during dissolution it is MANDATED BY STATUTE that any alleged property be divided.  Hmmm, I guess the trial court is above the law.

I feel betrayed.  Betrayed by my ex husband who entered IVF willingly to bring these unborn lives to term and agreed, in writing, that I would be able to take care of them in case of divorce.  I feel betrayed by the legal system that come up with such baseless decisions and, in most cases, try to find every avenue NOT to allow these lives to be born.  Betrayed by some pro-life advocates who profess to protect life but won’t help because these unborn lives were conceived in IVF.  I feel betrayed by everyone who can’t understand why I just won’t give up and let it be.

Well, I will fight.  And no one needs to understand it.  But, I will say this: Tell a mother who just miscarried a baby only a few weeks into her pregnancy that it’s “no big deal.”  Tell me how that turns out.

Jalesia “Jasha” McQueen is a Mother of 3 boys (one who has Down Syndrome), Veteran, Attorney, Entrepreneur and is currently in the Missouri Appellate Court seeking custody of her embryos, Noah and Genesis. “My dear Noah and Genesis, may you survive and be born.”  Jasha is co-founder and Director of Embryo Defense, a Missouri nonprofit organization dedicated to educating and providing resources for anyone who believes in saving human embryos. www.embryodefense.org.  Embryo Defense recently made international headlines protesting Sofia Vergara at the Magic Mike XXL Premiere in Los Angeles.